Posted in Anxiety, environment, finances, General Life, Random Ramblings, room, The Dream, work

A Positive Change

I stopped writing here a while ago; again.

Quitting my job was the best decision I’ve ever made. I took a job managing a seasonal retail store through the end of October. It made me realize how much I missed retail. My dad told me the happiest he ever saw me was when I was working my retail job in college. I needed a job once November came so I figured why not? What did I have to lose? They were only hiring for a cashier, but I needed something. I walked in afraid I’d be shunned. I admit when I left I wasn’t the nicest. I had this elitist attitude that has since been humbled. Instead I was welcomed back with open arms. I felt so relieved and so content. They gave me my old management job back too. The amount of stress that has been lifted from me since leaving my office job is insane. Sure I’m making half of what I made in my office job, but the ole’ money can’t buy happiness cliche isn’t far from the truth. I feel so at peace and as of today I feel my depression is finally being fully alleviated.

The other day I finally reached a point of pure joy.

3 years ago I thought I was happy in my office job. I look at that as a high point in that career. I was walking out of the employee area when I heard a voice I recognized. A coworker from that job was standing in line talking to one of my cashiers. We stepped aside and caught up on life. Before she left she said, “you know you look so happy. I’ve never seen you this happy. You look great! I’m really glad you’re clearly in a good place.” I realized she’s right. I wasn’t this happy before. Now I truly am feeling happiness.

I’m progressively organizing my life and picking up the pieces to be myself again. My anxiety is at an all time low and my depression is virtually non-existent. I’m so happy. ‚̧

Posted in Anxiety, games, General Life, Uncategorized

Friends and Pokemon Go

I’ve come to find that sometimes I take my friends for granted. I have a pretty high level of anxiety and am not always aware of certain social queues so I find it difficult to make friends in the first place. Then between my depression and anxiety it can often be hard for me to get out. I’m so grateful for those who have stuck by me through everything though. The ones who understand that I’m not a perfect person and sometimes I just can’t wrap my mind around stepping outside of the front door.

I’ve always had anxiety, but due to a series of changes that have occurred in my life over the last few years that anxiety has been heightened.

This weekend would have been spent holed away inside of my home like normal, but I got a text from one of my best friends asking if I could help him with a project. That project was to bake nearly 10 dozen cookies for a party at a bar he’d been asked to supply food for. I had no reason to say no after all. I am so grateful I got out. He’d also recruited another friend of ours who we play video games with and his new roommate who promptly decided studying for her finals was out of the question when it came to cookies.

In the process of forcing myself to leave the house and help a friend I actually made a new friend. It turns out his roommate and I have a lot in common and found ourselves running to the end of the street at midnight to steal Team Mystic’s gym back from Team Instinct in the popular Pokemon Go app. Yes I play Pokemon Go. I have no shame in this it’s my childhood and I’m a gamer. On top of that it’s a game that has encouraged me to get out and meet people. It fascinates me how many kind people I’ve casually crossed paths with just¬†because of this game.

So another of my changes is to get out, make new friends and keep building the friendships I have.